Saturday, November 7, 2009

You Are My World

December 19, 2007
Today was one of the greatest days of my entire life. After 24 days staring at Colton through the doors of his incubator, I finally got to hold my amazing baby boy. For the first time during this journey, I finally felt like a Mom, not just an observer. We spent two glorious hours snuggling and bonding, I cried, my Mom cried and Heather (Colton's primary nurse) even teared up. It was magical, there is no other word to describe it. Seth was at work so he unfortunately missed it but I could tell he was so happy for me. When Heather took Colton to put him back in his bed, he threw a fit, waving his arms and making facial expressions as if he was crying. He can't cry out loud just yet, because of the breathing tube that has to stay between his vocal cords but it certainly looked like he wanted to stay with Mommy. Everyday I love him more and more and everyday I feel like it isn't possible to love him any more than I already do but with each day that passes I prove myself wrong. My heart feels as if it is going to explode, such a wonderful feeling.

December 21, 2007
The NICU rollercoaster continues. We take one step forward, then two steps back. Colton's breathing issues are getting worse, so bad that last night he had to be "bagged" on and off pretty much the whole night. This means the nurses had to give him manual breaths of pure oxygen with a little green balloon-looking thing. Basically, to me, it seems like a less harmful way of giving him CPR, similar to mouth-to-mouth. His lungs are taking a beating right now but all medical staff seem optimistic that he can outgrow it, we just need time. Time that he may or may not have, we just have to pray. The bad news kept coming today when we found out that his brain bleeds have not "fixed themselves" as everyone had hoped. The brain bleeds or Intraventricular Hemorrhages (IVH) are still at grade 3 but now a Neurologist has been assigned to his case. The problem is the IVH is causing pressure on his brain, this can cause brain damage and the pressure has to be relieved. The first option was done today, a lumbar puncture but because of clotting in his brain this was not successful. There is talk of brain surgery next, it is a lot to take in right now. Prayer, prayer and more prayer, that is the only thing getting Colton, Seth, me and our family through this right now.

Next: Christmas in the NICU

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