Monkeying Around

Happy Halloween!

Hanging in there...

I have finally gained enough strength to write this quick update, it will be short and to the point, I can't handle much more.

I went the Doc Monday afternoon for an ultrasound at 6 weeks (according to measurements) and they saw a larger gestational sac with Sweet Pea inside. The sac and baby/fetal pole were both abnormally shaped and they could find no heartbeat. I was told to wait to miscarry, it should happen in 7-10 days. So far, I have not. It is extremely painful to carry around this baby inside of me that is not living. It's heartbreaking. There is about a 2% chance they could find a heartbeat at my next ultrasound (10-1-10) but they seemed pretty sure (and I feel) that isn't going to happen. On Monday, we will discuss further options (D&C).

I am angry and so hurt but trying to be strong. My friends and family are wonderful, I am so thankful for them and of course Colton is amazing as always and helps me remember that I should focus on everything I do have in this life and not dwell on what I do not.

Cravings Checklist

My cravings so far.

Grease (like on the wrapper of a McDs cheeseburger...)
Onions, lots of onions
Ketchup (I've always hated it before)
French Fries (to go with the ketchup of course)
Orange Juice (this one comes and goes)
Lettuce

Only one turn off food as of today.
Chicken

What did you crave or not crave?

June Bug

I haven't updated you all in almost a week for two reasons. 1. My computer was at the Apple Store being fixed (yay!) and 2. there just wasn't much to tell... until yesterday. I had an appointment with the baby doc (we'll call him/her Dr. D for confidentiality purposes) to get some more blood work and an ultrasound. At first, during the ultrasound Dr. D looked concerned causing me to almost have a heart attack but then she started asking questions about how sure I was on my dates. On the ultrasound, she only saw a gestational sac. We were expecting to see a little more but this isn't necessarily a bad thing. We have two options. First, that I am just really off on my dates and I ovulate at a weird time and baby is just fine only a lot smaller/younger than we originally thought. The grim option is that this pregnancy wasn't good from the beginning and the baby stopped developing leaving only the gestational sac to be seen. Both the ultrasound tech AND Dr. D were very confident that option A is what we are dealing with, especially when my hCG levels came back at just under 20,000 (recap: 10/1=922, 10/4=3,334). Option B is still in the back of our heads though, we are praying for a positive outcome. I also am now allowed to do more activities, just can't lift/pull/push anything over 10 pounds, including my Colton =( , or walk really long distances but I am no longer stuck on the couch 24/7!!!

So, (considering option A is correct) Sweet Pea will be a June baby instead of May, I'm fine with that as long as he/she is healthy.

Daddy Time

Somebody has really been enjoying all the extra time he has gotten to spend with Daddy while Mommy has been on "restricted activity". Their favorite thing to do together? Play playstation of course.

Cautiously Optimistic

HCG levels were tested this morning (bringing my total number of needle sticks in the last two days to a grand total of five). We waited for about an hour in the waiting room, my nerves were a mess, Seth was just sleepy (he worked 11-7 last night) then finally got to head back to see the Doc. She seemed a little concerned with my "complications" and after an exam sent me across to the hospital for more blood work. Then we had to wait...

Luckily, she knew I was a mess and decided to call as soon she got the news. The first words out of her mouth were "I am very excited about your test results". Shew, my heart began to beat again. Not only did my levels double, they tripled in the last 48 hours. Anything could still happen but for now we are heading in the right direction. I am to remain cautiously optimistic. I am also to remain on "restricted activity". I can go to class (be dropped off and picked up) and do homework but that is about it. I have an ultrasound in two weeks and the next step is to see Sweet Pea's heartbeat.

Thank you all for your prayers... they are pretty powerful.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I will find out much more about my pregnancy. They will do the second round of blood work to determine if my HCG levels have increased or not. If they have then we will assume, for the time being, that this pregnancy is going to continue. If not, we may lose the baby.

To say I am scared is an extreme understatement. I have already fallen in love with this baby. In my opinion life begins at conception, I already have a precious little life growing inside of me.

My emotions are all over the place, my heart is remaining where it belongs, with God.

Our faith is strong and our prayers are even stronger.

BIG NEWS part 2

As you can tell in my last post, Seth, Colton and I are very excited to be adding to our little family. We actually decided to start trying to have a child about three months ago but decided to take a break in August due to me returning to school and Seth working on new job prospects. Well, of course, God has his own plans and decided to bless us with "Sweet Pea" when we were least expecting it.

We are soooo thrilled at the prospect of becoming parents again and Colton gets very excited when we say "You are going to be a BIIIIG BROTHER!" (even if he doesn't really know what it means just yet). However, we are also very nervous and cautious at the same time. Due to Colton's early birth I am considered "high risk" which just means they will take extra precautions with this pregnancy. In fact, they already are. I am currently on "restricted activity" because of some complications that landed me in the Emergency Room late last night. Everything is fine for now, I return to the doctor Monday morning for some more tests and an exam. In the meantime, I am ordered to "spend the weekend laying on the couch watching movies", and take it easy. That is exactly what I am doing, the only complaint I have is the fact that I'm not allowed to lift Colton, he doesn't like this at all but its for the best so I will follow doc's orders.

Now for some logistics, Sweet Pea (the name my sister came up with for him/her, speaking of which today is her 21st Birthday ***HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNT BOO***) is due sometime in late May/Early June 2011. I am only about five weeks along. We wanted to wait until at least eight weeks to make the big announcement but I am impatient and too excited to keep this to myself so it just kind of "slipped out" in the form of a certain "Big Brother" tee shirt. I am experiencing a few symptoms including fatigue, tenderness in certain areas, cravings (oddly Grease and Potatoes) and headaches. Not to mention, I have a very nasty cold that will not go away.

There are a lot of concerns and risks this early but we are deciding to remain optimistic and trust in the Lord with all our hearts that his plan is superior to our own. I am already in love with this little life growing inside of me, being a mother is what I was put on this earth to do and I am rejoicing in the fact that I have be given the chance to do so again.

Thanks to everyone for the well-wishes and congratulations, it means a lot to us, all FOUR of us! =)

BIG NEWS from Colton